Global Village Idiots Or "How To Think Like A Con-servative"

For years con-servatives have made quite a wild, scattered and crazy case for denying and muddying the climate change issue.

For the longest time they declared climate change was “not happening” and “not settled science”, and my favorite, “just a theory”.

I suppose the theory of gravity is also debatable. Unlike the sun, I have never seen gravity. I will therefore debate its existence. It cannot be settled science if I can't see it. That just makes common sense to me.

When cornered by facts supporting actual climate change, they then insisted “climate change is always happening”. Or not, because we have winter storms and it snows in Antarctica.

They like to suggest global warming is caused by sunspots, moonbeams, "liberal thermometers", all sorts of wacked out debris of detached discourse. 

Although the same silly science tells me CO2 is heavier than air. And it doesn't come from the sun, it turns out.

Here is what else I know. Thanks to peer reviewed science.

Global sea level rose about 8 inches in the last century. The rate in the last two decades is nearly double that of the last century.  CO2 levels have gone up drastically. Average temperatures have risen. 

Coral reefs are bleaching. Permafrost is thawing (releasing methane and more greenhouse gasses).  Plant species are migrating north. Glaciers have disappeared and shrunk. Arctic Sea ice is vanishing, state-sized ice flows are separating from Antarctica,...you know, observable reality.

There is a certain political party, and certain corporate interests, that don't want us to know these facts. In fact, their political mission is to deny, demean, distract, deflect and deceive on the issue of climate change. 

Could this all be in the name of political power, and profit over people, profit over planet and profit Uber Alles?

Could it have something to do with their not wanting to slow the upward distribution of wealth to the already wealthiest persons and entities on the planet? Can't be having that. Not in America, anyway.

The fossil-fueled, corporate-funded denial industry has duped so many Americans that we are the leading nation in the world in climate change denial. USA! USA! We're number One!

We are the global village idiots who pulled out of the Paris Accords. It's almost like we are puppets of Putin's puppet.

Putin or not, we are under the corrupt rule of the Cult of the Right-wing Authoritarian Personalities. (C.R.A.P.) Bad things happen when they run the show. Last time they were in charge they collapsed the economy and started a war that spawned ISIS.

But, hey. “Priorities”. “Values”. 

These are the lessons I have learned in studying “How To Think Like A Con-servative”.

First we demean “loonie liberals”, accuse them of hating America and having no values. Then we blame them for anything we don’t like, and accuse them of causing everything bad.

Then we undermine climate science by framing researchers as a Global Conspiracy of Evil Climate Scientists. (Unlike oil corporations, they will LIE just to get more money! Grrr. That makes me very angry.)

Then we crank up the hate and demonize journalism as the enemy of the people, just to level the playing field. A Republican grabbing a reporter named Jacobs by the neck and throwing him to the ground was something to be cheered and joked about.

Just a few samples of far Right civility and basic human decency:

Rush called Jacobs “a pajama boy journalist” who was “insolent … disrespectful … whiny and moany.”

CNN correspondent Kyung Lah went to a polling place to interview voters and reported that nearly everyone she talked with said they weren’t changing their vote:

She tweeted: MT GOP voter, upon learning we're from @CNN: "You're lucky someone doesn't pop one of you."

And:

"That audio made me cheer." A woman told CNN as she smiled and walked in to vote for Gianforte.

Fox contributor: Rachel Campos-Duffy: This guy was not a reporter looking for a fair story. He was obviously doing a take down on him. And this guy got his back up -- he got a little bit of Montana Justice.

Rob O'Neill: I am from Montana. The guy he is running against is all about the environment and all of this stuff all of a sudden. What happened there in Montana, apparently the snowflake reporter invaded Gianforte's safe space. We have a saying up there, "you mess around, you mess around, you might not be around...granted I'm not condoning the body slam. I think it's kind of funny based on my history. “

Dana Loesch: First off, you can believe two things simultaneously. That Gianforte behaved wrongly. You can believe that, But you can also, Tucker, believe that the media in some respects is culpable. The violent progressive left is in some respects, culpable... . I had so many people who called in to my radio program today, Tucker, who said you know what? Maybe the media deserves it.

The Con-servative Sinclair Broadcasting Montana NBC Affiliate reportedly refused to cover the Gianforte story.

A Texas Tribune reporter snapped a photo of Republican Governor Abbott showing off his target sheet on Friday, after which the governor “jokingly” pointed to the bullet holes and said, “I’m gonna carry this around in case I see any reporters,” according to reporter Patrick Svitek.

Are we clear where we stand here, my fellow Real Americans? 

We’re on to a great formula for success here! All we have to do is believe we are right. 

The secret to how to think like a con-servative is this: 

Believe the C.R.A.P. 

Believe Republicans and Breitbart, and believe FOX and Limbaugh. Believe anything and anyone that tells us to hate and blame liberals, to distrust and resent minorities, to demonize journalism, public education, and politically incorrect science. It's so simple. Just believe; no need to think.

Now let's deregulate polluters, and let Wall Street do as it pleases. Let’s gut public education. Corporate schools and FOX will make sure is our children learning.

Let’s cut taxes for the rich and let their brats inherit billions tax free. (Here’s looking at you Ivanka, Eric and Don Jr. We know you deserve every dime.) 

It’s high time to slash corporate tax rates, eliminate minimum wages, destroy unions, privatize infrastructure, privatize prisons, privatize national parks, privatize Social Security, cut Medicare and food stamps for the poor, let them drink lead... 

And before you know it, America will be great again. 

Yee haw!